Life and problems are best friends in disguise

Why I haven't been blogging for a while?

That's because Twitter has been very distracting. I could right sentence after sentence without caring what people have to say. They don't say anything otherwise they'll be called Facebook pussies who have to complain at everything other people have to say at their walls. Ohh grow some balls, if you don't like then why read it? Go read some freaking books and write a review, stop complaining and be mad at mad people. There are some creepy and overrated people at Facebook, but so what, if you don't like them, hide them, unfriend them. Easy ain't it?

What's been going on?

Nothing much, pretty much the ordinary. I'm gonna start my second semester here in uni next week. Oh and by the way, I've started working. I work in a bakery, I sell breads, sandwiches, I make coffee, I sweep, I mop, I pretty much do everything. But nevertheless, I get paid every week and I only work like 3 to 4 days a week. But as long as money comes in every time it goes out, so I'm okay with it. I'm a big spender, to have everything that I want I got to work hard. Money doesn't come easy from where I come from. You got to work hard to earn it. That's howmy folks told me to do things.

I ain't got no trust fund or a well-off parents, neither do I have a gold-digger godmother nor a sugar daddy. So if I wanted to have a Coach handbag, or a Sony PS3, or a car, or a ticket back home, I have to work for it.

Yo, why do I sound like a nigga?

I have no issues to be brought up here, I'm just babbling, trying to get my pace back in writing. I do have some things to tell though.

Lately, life has been rough, I stumbled throughout this journey called life, maybe some rocks I didn't see down at my feet. I was crying hard, inside, I don't let it show. Though my mother always have her magic wand, and that time when I called her, just to chat with her, she totally get me, she totally use her magic and she sees right through me, no matter how million trillion miles we are apart.

I got to admit, I'm a little self-contained, I don't let much show, except my difficult side, I am a very difficult person to deal with, those around me should know. You could see me laughing, you could see me being angry, but if you live with me on a daily basis, you will realize I'm not that typical next door type of a girl. Not many people can deal well with my behavior.

But I try not to make it hard for people that are not close to me. I try not to be remembered. If people talk about me, I just want them to say, "ohh that's a girl I used to know". Just that. I don't want them to go and say things like; "oh, she's a sweet girl", or "oh, she's a bad ass". I don't want people to put marks on me to judge me, and remember me when I'm old.

But I do make impact on some people I truly treasure. I'm that girl with a big personality to some people whom I really like to be with. Like my best friends and families. They are the ones who I show my real side. I have many sides but I show them my best sides. And when other people says bad thing about me, they stand up and say "no, she's not!". Because they are the only people in which I allow the judging and marking. I wanna be remembered by people who I want to remember.

Okay I totally am babbling.

Back to the story of the rock on the pathway. At one point I thought I am going to explode, Like a balloon, and the problems that keep on coming are like the helium gas tank, keep pushing and pushing the gas inside the balloon, at at it critical point it would explode. Ka-boom. But I did'nt explode. The problems did mount up high, but there was a point when I just sit down, and think with my brain not my emotion, and suddenly everything doesn't matter anymore, it all are just a piece of cake, I can truly solve them on my own, just a matter of time.

And you know who helped me? You know Who. I talk to Allah, I talk to him of my miseries, of what's been going on. I ask Allah if Allah has been watching on me, though I have not been a good servant. I cried that day after I cried to my mother, and I ask for forgiveness and guidance. And yes, if you seek Allah, Allah will always look after you, no matter how bad you are. Ask for forgiveness. And today, nothing matter anymore, I'm as happy as a chirping bird singing from tree to tree. Free.

Now there's another thing that has been mushing through my brain for a while. But this one I can not ask my mother. I just hope that one day she'll understand. She's my mother after all. I've refused to be happy for a while for some reason. I just don't know when to let that part of my heart be happy again. Time does heals, but sometime time kills.

Whatever it is, I still got time to think it through and be clear with what ever decision I shall make. And this time, there shall be no rocks on the roads.